There are two kinds of men in Sicily and generally non of them I have had problems with, but the rules also differs being a foreign woman here and a local woman. Foreign women do not have the rules loaded on their shoulders like locals have. I divide the sicilian men in two categories, the Sicilian and the Siculo.

The Siculo man is still the under developed old style man who is the whole familys pack leader, he is the reference person everybody in the family as far as the line goes. He likes his wife to be home and stay there. He often chooses a woman who has no education nor projects in her life. Someone who never leaves the neighborhood. He has often a big family where no one or just one kid has the chance to get an education if there is no family company, to become the future family leader. It’s always the oldest son, never daughters. This is not about money, the Siculo man is not necessary poor. He can be a middle class or rich man, but he is driven by old school mentality and his family, including children, grand children, in-married people, is under his command. He is always poor even if the family has money, he invests in more properties under his name and has a life plan to build up an activity he can then just hand over to his male children when he is not around anymore. In this group you find these manchauvistic jealous men, but even if he is a Siculo man does not automatically mean he is manchauvistic against other females outside his family. The Siculo man has hard times when he sees women who earn their own money, can put gasoline in the car, plant, paint or women with own opinions and women who can show anger. He wants his women keeping the home clean, food on the table, wife to give him kids, be obedient, silent and always smiling. The Siculo man has also very poor knowledge of the female sexuality and learns how the world works watching TV which he base his opinions on. He has very strong opinions, never travel, has often more than one job and rarely leaves his residential area. The Siculo man’s family often suffers from ignorance, low education, high medical usage, lower life quality, and kids does not have a great chance for a different future as the Siculo man likes to do things as they have always done for generations! This man is often the one who today has lost his job in Sicily because he do not have the tools to update himself. He is rarely home and does not follow the children as he thinks it is his wifes job, which means these are the children you see on the sicilian streets any time of the hour and do not attend school. The Siculo man also teaches his children that lives misery are politicians fault! The Siculo mans family is often very religious and follows traditions strictly. He wants sons wives to call him father and call his wife mother. He often control his children mentally and this way cut their wings so they become dependent of him and his wife. The Siculo man is to be found in all ages, but mostly from middle-age and up. This is a quite large male group, but in decrease of changes in society and younger generation growing up. This does not mean that he is a mean man, but he needs control and does not like changes. He himself grew up in a similar home and think it looks the same everywhere.

The Siciliano is the more sophisticated man. This does not mean he is rich, he can be lower-, middle-, and upper class. But he comes often from a family where the mother works or parents did not follow tradition, religion and were open minded as much as you can be in Sicily. He has the eager to learn things and many times by himself. He has good manners, sees women as equals and often complains there are few women involved in the society. He tries many activities, learnt using computer and english by internet and loves to travel. He reads books and builds his world perspective by experienses and what people around tells about places they have visited and people they have met if he can not afford to travel. If he does not afford to travel, he travels in his mind. He dresses well, picks his children from school and spends time with them. His wife is often happier than the Siculo mans wife, the kids has good results in school and he teaches them that they are responsible of their lives and actions. He often encourage them to study, get a good job and travel. It is though often the mother who is in charge on the children, but he is not ashamed to be a support. He often cooks home, do the groceries and other smaller household things, but sicilian women still thinks the household is their responsibility. He complains about the society but do not blame politicians as he has a more wider knowledge how things are in Italy. Here you often find men who perhaps has lost their job, but found a new job or a created an activity. He teaches his kids to fly, and he often chooses a woman with education background or a woman who has some life projects going on for her or at least their children. In public the Siciliano family is religious to please the older generation, but here you find many atheists when you talk face to face. They follow some traditions and goes to church only for bigger holidays. The Siciliano man dares to speak openly and question things. And his wife has her own opinions and dares to say them loud. If he has his own company he chooses the best suitable to run it when he is not around, it is not about gender. Even if the Siciliano man does not have money, the family have as high life quality as possible. They also try to live in better areas or children goes to schools in other areas if they can not afford to live in a better area. If he has money he sends his children to the best shcools, also daughters. All children, sons and daughters, inherit equal parts. There are not so much sexual tabus and children are allowed to learn about their body parts. This man is often from the generation under 40 years old and many young men seems to think the same. It is still a quite small group, but a growing group.

This is a generalisation, and a road towards a change is going on. As a foreign woman I have had few problems with sicilian men, as I mentioned above we often get treated differently. Sometimes I run into a mans man needing to comment when I put gasoline in the car, enter a hardware store and blend into a dialogue about choosing car parts. My Father-in-Law is very much a siculo man (not controlling me though). But then my hubby is more like a Siciliano. You can not compare Siculo nor Siciliano with a scandinavian man, the difference is significant.

 

Svenska

Det finns tv? typer av m?n p? Sicilien och i allm?nhet har jag inte haft problem med n?gon s?rskild grupp utav m?n, men reglerna skiljer sig mellan att vara en utl?ndsk kvinna h?r och en lokal kvinna. Utl?ndska kvinnor har inte reglerna lastade p? sina axlar som lokala kvinnor ofta har. Jag delar de sicilianska m?n i tv? kategorier, Siciliano och Siculo.

Siculo Mannen ?r fortfarande underutvecklad gammal-stils-man som ?r hela familjens flockledare, han ?r referenspersonen till alla i familjen s? l?ngt som linjen g?r. Han gillar ha sin fru hemma och att hon stannar d?r. Han v?ljer ofta en kvinna som inte har n?gon utbildning eller projekt i sitt liv. N?gon som aldrig l?mnar bostadsomr?det. Han har ofta en stor familj d?r ingen eller bara ett barn har chansen att f? en utbildning om det inte finns familjef?retag, f?r d? blir den utvalda framtida familjeledaren. Det ?r alltid den ?ldsta sonen, aldrig d?ttrar. Det handlar inte om pengar, Siculo mannen ?r inte n?dv?ndigtvis fattig. Han kan vara en medelklass eller rik man, men han drivs av gamla-skolan-mentalitet och hans familj, inklusive barn, barnbarn, in-gifta ?r under hans bef?l. Han ?r alltid fattig ?ven om familjen har pengar, han investerar i fler fastigheter under hans namn och har en livsplan att bygga upp en verksamhet han sedan l?mnar ?ver till sina manliga barn n?r han inte lever l?ngre. I den h?r gruppen hittar du dessa manchauvistiska svartsjuka m?nnen, men ?ven om han ?r en Siculo inneb?r det inte att han automatiskt ?r manchauvistisk mot andra kvinnor utanf?r sin familj. Siculo mannen f?r det jobbigt n?r han ser kvinnor som tj?nar sina egna pengar, kan tanka, plantera, m?la eller kvinnor med egna ?sikter och kvinnor som kan visa ilska. Han vill att hans kvinnor ska h?lla hemmet rent, ha mat p? bordet, frun ge honom barn, vara lydig, tyst och alltid leende. Siculo mannen har ocks? mycket d?lig kunskap om den kvinnliga sexualiteten och l?r sig hur v?rlden fungerar tittandes p? TV som han baserar sina ?sikter p?. Han har mycket starka ?sikter, reser aldrig, har ofta mer ?n ett jobb och l?mnar s?llan sitt bostadsomr?de. Siculo mannens familj lider ofta av okunnighet, l?g utbildning, h?g medicinsk anv?ndning, l?gre livskvalitet, och barnen? har inte en stor chans f?r en annan framtid d? Siculo mannen tycker om att g?ra saker som de alltid har gjort i generationer! Den h?r mannen ?r oftast den som idag har f?rlorat sitt jobb p? Sicilien f?r att han inte har verktygen f?r att uppdatera sig sj?lv. Han ?r s?llan hemma och f?ljer inte barnen d? han tycker att det ?r hans frus arbete, vilket inneb?r att det ?r dessa barn du ofta ser p? de sicilianska gatorna oavsett timme p? dygnet och inte g?r i skolan. Siculo Mannen l?r ocks? sina barn att livets mis?r ?r politikernas fel! Siculo mannens familj ?r ofta mycket religi?s och f?ljer traditioner strikt. Han vill att s?nernas fruar att kallar honom pappa och sin fru mor. Han kontrollerar ofta sina barn psykiskt och p? s? s?tt klipper deras vingar s? att de blir beroende av honom och hans fru.?Siculo Mannen ?terfinns i alla ?ldrar, men mest fr?n medel?ldern och upp?t. Detta ?r en ganska stor manlig grupp idag, men i minskning genom f?r?ndringar i samh?llet och yngre generationen som v?xer upp. Det betyder inte att han ?r en elak man, men han beh?ver kontroll och tycker inte om f?r?ndringar. Han ?r sj?lv uppvuxen i ett liknande hem och tror att det ser likadant ut ?verallt.

Siciliano Mannen ?r den mer sofistikerade mannen. Detta betyder inte att han ?r rik, han kan vara nedre-, mellan- och ?verklass. Men han kommer ofta fr?n en familj d?r mamman jobbar eller f?r?ldrarna inte f?ljde tradition, religion och hade ?ppet sinne s? mycket som du kan ha p? Sicilien. Han ?r ivrig att l?ra sig nya saker och m?nga g?nger sj?lv. Han har gott s?tt, ser kvinnor som j?mlikar och klagar ofta att det finns f? kvinnor som deltar i samh?llet. Han f?rs?ker p? m?nga aktiviteter, l?rt sig anv?nda datorer och engelska via internet och ?lskar att resa. Han l?ser b?cker och bygger sitt v?rldsperspektiv genom upplevelser och vad m?nniskor runt ber?ttar om platser de har bes?kt och m?nniskor de m?tt, om han inte har r?d att resa sj?lv. Om han inte har r?d att resa, reser han i sitt sinne. Han kl?r sig v?l, h?mtar sina barn fr?n skolan och tillbringar tid med dem. Hans fru ?r ofta lyckligare ?n Siculo mannens hustru, barnen har bra resultat i skolan och han l?r dem att de ?r ansvariga f?r sina liv och handlingar. Han uppmuntrar dem ofta f?r att studera, f? ett bra jobb och resa. Det ?r dock ofta mamman som ansvarar f?r barnen, men han sk?ms inte f?r att vara ett st?d. Han kockar ofta hemma, handlar och g?r andra mindre hush?llsarbeten, men sicilianska kvinnor tycker fortfarande att hush?llet ?r deras ansvar. Han klagar p? samh?llet men skyller inte p? politiker eftersom han har en mer omfattande kunskap om hur saker och ting ?r i Italien. H?r tr?ffar du ofta m?n som kanske har f?rlorat sina jobb, men hittat ett nytt jobb eller skapat en aktivitet. Han l?r sina barn att flyga, och han v?ljer ofta en kvinna med utbildningsbakgrund eller en kvinna som har n?gra livsprojekt p? g?ng f?r henne eller ?tminstone f?r deras barn. Ut?t sett ?r Siciliano familjen religi?sa f?r att behaga den ?ldre generationen, men h?r hittar du m?nga ateister n?r ni pratar ansikte mot ansikte. De f?ljer vissa traditioner och g?r till kyrkan bara f?r st?rre helgdagar. Siciliano Mannen v?gar tala ?ppet och ifr?gas?tta saker. Och hans fru har sina egna ?sikter och v?gar s?ga dem h?gt. Om han har ett eget f?retag v?ljer han den b?st l?mpade f?r att driva den n?r han inte ?r kvar, det handlar inte om k?n. ?ven om Siciliano mannen inte har pengar, har familjen s? h?g livskvalitet som m?jligt. De f?rs?ker ocks? att leva i b?ttre omr?den eller barnen g?r i skolan i ett annat omr?de om de inte har r?d att bo i ett b?ttre omr?de. Och om han har pengar skickar han sina barn till de b?sta skolorna, ?ven d?ttrarna. Alla barn, s?ner och d?ttrar, ?rver lika stora delar. Det finns inte s? mycket sexuella tabun och barnen f?r l?ra sig om sina kroppsdelar. Den h?r mannen ?r ofta fr?n generationen under 40 ?r och m?nga unga m?n verkar vara detsamma. Det ?r fortfarande en ganska liten grupp, men en v?xande grupp.

Detta ?r en generalisering, och en v?g mot en f?r?ndring ?r p? g?ng. Som utl?ndsk kvinna har jag har haft f? problem med sicilianska m?n, som jag n?mnde ovan att vi ofta behandlas annorlunda. Ibland h?r jag en mansmans kommentar n?r jag tankar bilen, g?r in i en j?rnaff?r och blandar mig i en dialog om att v?lja bildelar. Min sv?rfar ?r mycket en Siculo man (styr inte mig dock). Min sambo ?r mer som en Siciliano. Det g?r inte att j?mf?ra Siculo eller Siciliano med en skandinavisk man, skillnaden ?r betydande.